50 Ways To Annoy Draco Malfoy
by InsanelyWitchyMarauderette
Summary: Cover your eyes and plug your ears, fangirls! Alice is back again, annoying the beep out of your (Possibly least) favorite character, Draco Malfoy! R&E
1. The Hairdresser Vote

**Aah... so long since I've done one of these. I, InsanelyWitchyMarauderette, present to you: ****_50 WAYS TO ANNOY DRACO_**** MALFOY**

For once in my life, I didn't need the master password to the other common rooms. I consulted the clipboard once again. My best handwriting for the heading. Neat, straight columns for the names and check marks. I slipped the quill into the holder in the clipboard and tapped Daphne Greengrass on the shoulder.

She turned from her little posse to look at me, "What?", I handed her the clipboard, "Pass this around"

She didn't need telling twice. By the time it had reached half of the Common Room, I remembered that I had to make sure it didn't reach Malfoy.

Much running around and interrogating led me to my clipboard. One thought consoled me. He wouldn't know that it was my clipboard anyway. I stopped in my tracks. The familiar wooden clipboard was passed directly to Malfoy.

Oh well, I plopped into my chair and shrugged. There was nothing to be done. Might as well enjoy the chaos. A second later, my very own clipboard was hurtling towards my head.

"I _don't _get my hair done at my mother's hairdresser, _nor_ do I have my own personal one! This vote is bloody stupid! Bring back that clipboard and let's see whose it was!", Malfoy summoned it back just before it knocked my noggin out. Just a split second too late, I remembered the small print. _Property of Alice_.

"ALICE!"

"Will your father hear about this?", I yelled back with a grin as I aparated away.

**Exact details: The poll had two choices; Draco gets his hair done with his mom's hairdresser, or he has his own. The second choice had one vote more than the other.**


	2. The Pillow Stuck To His Face

Ah, these night excursions will never cease to amaze me. How suddenly, the pressing challenge makes one as absent minded as myself a proper ninja; dodging the meddling people, dancing fluidly around the obstacles in an unchoregraphed dance.

I pulled my wand out of my sleeve. Hmm, that was one of the tricks in the magic books I used to read when I was little. A short wave of my wand and his face was glued to the pillow.

I rolled up my sleeves and squirted the glue onto the pillow. God, why is everyone a heavy sleeper? I liberally applied the printed photograph to the pillow and waved my wand again as a last touch. I crept away and hid in my bed until morning.

In the Great Hall, almost obvious to the pillow stuck to his face, the half asleep Draco Malfoy walked in, his tie still undone. People started to giggle and murmur all around the hall. That drowsing spell worked pretty good.

Once the first ringing laugh started, he snapped back to attention.

Oh well.

He observed that he was stuck to a pillow. And then he observed that the pillow had Harry Potter's picture on it.

Then he observed my guilty, grinning face.

"ALICE!"


	3. Ferreting Plans of No Action

Transfiguration. We were studying human transfiguration theoretically.

And then McGonagall turned into a cat. A wave of applause greeted this transformation, even from most of the Slytherin students. She turned back and asked in her brisk manner, "Any questions?"

I raised my hand, "How do you turn someone into a ferret?", I asked innocently and glanced pointedly at Malfoy. McGonagall raised an eyebrow.

"Seventh Year", she replied simply and dismissed us. Just loudly enough, I muttered, "I already know anyway"

Standing on a wobbly stack of books upon his chair, Flitwick tapped his wand on the board and wrote _Revision_. A groan rose from everywhere and nowhere in class.

"Ask me anything", he beamed. I, ever the studious student, raised my hand. He nodded at me eagerly.

"How do you bounce a furry rodent with your wand?", Cheerfully, he explained the whole process and gave a demonstration.

For no particular reason whatsoever, I raised my hand in Potions class. Snape rolled his eyes but called on me anyway.

"Yes Alice"

"If you transfigure a human, how can you keep them that way for, like, ever?", this, of course, was the last straw.

"ALICE!"

"FERRET!"


	4. All Powerful Sharpie

Nobody dared to laugh too hard. They were afraid of waking the poor guy up.

Professor Binns continued to drone on and on about Witch Burning in Medival Times, his eyes almost closed. I seriously don't get it. What does he do when he isn't teaching. Hasn't anyone ever tried to get a normal reaction from him, or even tell him that he's dead? Maybe he knows and he's playing a practical joke on all of us.

Enough with my rambling now. Malfoy was asleep, the second Binns started talking. His hand hung over the edge of his desk. I carefully uncapped the Sharpie and wrote on his forehead. I now thank my sister for forcing me to write lightly with markers and never press them.

Most of the class was already busting a rib, trying to not start cackling evilly. Some were still asleep, but their friends were waking them up. The bell rang abruptly, and Malfoy jolted awake. the marker dragged across his face and over his mouth.

"Oops", I winced as the E in _I LOVE HERMIONE _dragged on unnecessarily and over the rest of the proclamations of love upon hois face, including Harry, Ron, Snape, Dumbledore and many other disturbing people.

"ALICE!"

And that's when everyone burst out laughing and I apparated.


	5. Annoying Presence

Malfoy squinted at the roll of parchment. He tilted his head. And yet he could not make any sense of the Ancient Runes homework assigned to him.

"HI!", I yelled in his ear. He jumped and nearly fell off the bench. Malfoy's eye twitched.

"Go-"

"HI!"

"Away-"

"HI!"

"Now-"

"HI!"

"Your presence annoys me, you-!"

"HI!", he stood up quickly, vilolently upsetting the bottle of ink.

"ALICE!"

"BYE!


	6. Clown masks, Human circles and Screaming

Draco was regretting going already. Some stupid things he expected, but Dumbledore putting Alice in charge of events for one day would be simply disastrous. His father would hear about this.

"Okay then!", I yelled and blew my whistle. To some satisfaction, some people covered their ears, "Do we have all houses here?", The crowd nodded and looked around at each other. Some in the back waved their ties.

"Now a show of hands", my lips twitched, "Who here dislikes Draco Malfoy?", no hands popped.

"Who hates Draco Malfoy?", Everybody's hands shot up, and the air was crowded, except for one small part when you looked at Draco Malfoy. However he didn't seemed fazed. Well, I do have the many people I've annoyed, including my poor crazy sister.

I explained the game, and Malfoy grew paler and paler.

"Now go!", I whistled sharply. The crowd swarmed for a short while, picking up the masks from the equipment bag, while Malfoy stayed rooted to the spot.

And then the started to form the circle. In the middle, Malfoy still stood, horrified.

Then they started moving. He screamed. They started singing, "Round and round the ferret boy, ferret boy, ferret boy, round and round the ferret boy, _all day long!_", He stopped screaming as they repeated the song. And screamed again.

Soon enough, he started a series of short, scared screams. He finally managed to face the crowd of scary clowns face and put down his head and charged. They parted for him to pass.

And then he ran into the Great Lake. One second passed. A bubble escaped. Two seconds. Another bubble. Three seconds...

"AGH!", he cleared his throat in one breath. He emptied both his lungs for a long, long time with, "ALICE!"

In reply, I whistled and apparated. Note to self: Do not apparate with whistle in mouth. The whistle splinches.


	7. NOT the HAI-- Too late

"Now, Today we will be learning about cosmetic color changes", McGonagall handed out the mirrors from a long box, "You know the spell, get to work!", she clapped in Pansy's face.

All at once, everyone looked different. White hair, red hair, green hair, pink hair, purple hair. Green eyes, blue eyes, grey eyes, gold eyes. Instead of practicing the unnecessary excercise (Hello, Metamorphagus), I shot my wand at Draco Malfoy. The poor victim's hair turned bright pink, brighter than a hi-lighter.

He screamed and lookmed straight at me, "You-!" I put a permanent spell on him and looked back amiably. Needless to say, he wizard swore.

In potions, we were brewing an acidic liquid, which burnt things while wearing itself out. Luckily, the example used was, "A drop could burn only a single strand of hair. I made mine quickly and forgot to cork it.

As usual, Pansy stuck her foot out to trip me. Instead of shooting a fire illusion at it like usual, I tripped. And spilled my vial of potion over Malfoy's head.

Hope that bald spot looks good with pink hair.

He spluttered and yelled something that sounded like "***ing little (Cussed out) mudblood"

In Arithmancy, I was asked to tell Malfoy's fortune. I closed my eyes tightly and put my hands against the cold glass of the Crystal Ball.

Going for the Captain Obvious approach. I opened my eyes and looked at Malfoy cheerily, "The fortunes say...", I peered into the Crystal ball.

"That you will have a bad hair day", I bet I'll get full marks for that prediction.

"ALICE!"

I apparated. And for some odd reason, I took the crystal ball along too. It will come in handy.


	8. The Ferret Fight

The snowy white owl perched on my shoulder lightly, "Can I borrow Hedwig?", I asked Harry with big, innocent eyes.

"As long as she helps annoy Draco Malfoy", he conceded quickly.

In the Slytherin dorm Night escapade, I read the spell off the paper for the fiftieth time in three hours. I then waved my wand and pointed it an Draco, reciting the Latin words. Successfully, he turned into a blonde ferret.

The snowy white owl looked at the nested ferret with luminous, hungry eyes, "Go, Hedwig", I encouraged her, gestured to Malfoy.

She didn't hesitate or waste even a second. Hedwig hovered over the ferret threateningly.

"Dra-co!", I yelled in a sing song voice, and ran like hell. A squeaking ferret voice haunted me for about three seconds. Then I went back to watch the fun.

Hedwig dived at him once again and the crowd whistled and sighed appropriately. Malfoy the squeaky ferret rolled under the green duvet. Hedwig sunk her sharp talons into the thick bed covers and a squeak was heard.

Then silence. The crowd was hushed.

Hedwig carried the ferret out by the scruff of his neck at the crowd cheered again. Suddenly, someone yelled, "Class time!"

I quickly changed Malfoy back. His weight pulled down the white, screeching owl. I beleive he got a fair good amount of scratches as he yelled, "ALICE!", and I apparated.

Good old Hedwig.


	9. Drapple, Part One

With a completely blank face, I set my portable black laptop in front of Malfoy, on top of his long dried, still in progress History of magic homework, "Read it", I commanded.

Without complaint, he started to read the Fanfiction on screen, his eyes growing wider and wider, and his mouth dropping wider than I thought possible, even for alligators.

"I'll never look at an apple the same way again. What is this?", he asked, horrified.

"Fanfiction. How is it?", I asked eagerly.

"It's... it's...", he tried to find the right word, "Horrific! I am not dating an apple, nor would I cry if someone took a bite of it. And I don't even like green apples-"

"Slytherin Pride!", I chided him. He continued with his rant.

"And I would rather kill Potter because he's an annoying git rather than because he ate a freaking apple! Who wrote this damn-"

"I did", I looked at him with wounded eyes, "And every fact is perfectly true. You always had that green apple in your sixth year"

He looked at me, unbelieving, "You wrote this?"

"Yes...?", I treaded lightly on the boundaries of him being crazy.

"ALICE!"

"SH!", Madam Pince appeared and began to tell him off as I apparated.


	10. Drapple, Part Two

There's something so peaceful about night escapades. The sound breathing of sleeping witches and wizards, worn out from a day of magic. The soft padding footsteps of a witch about to cause chaos, so as to make the night seem even more peaceful.

I dragged the gunny sack over the tiled floors and stopped, looming menacingly above the sleeping figure of Draco Malfoy.

Getting the gunny sack up was the hard part. I heaved and quietly recited a few spells. It took a while, but it finally floated. I twisted my hand and it turned upside down, spilling the contents over him. Luckily, he was completely conked out.

I waved my wand and cast a few spells on him. Then, the peacefulness ensued again and you could hear the soft breathing of witches and wizards, as well as the soft, padding footsteps of a witch done with the prep for causing chaos.

In the morning, a crowd had gathered from all houses around Malfoy's bed. Some laughed, some were horrified and other were somewhat confused. He was sleeping under a pile of apples of all kinds, Fuiji, Granny Smith, and many others, except for green. His henchman and he himself tried to dig through the avalanche of apples to no avail.

I bent down to where I imagined his ear would be and said, "You didn't like green apples, so I thought these would be highly appreciated", I coughed out the word, "Drapple", and coughed some more.

Under the immense mound of apples, one could hear a yell of "ALICE!"

"DRAPPLE!", I yelled back as I apparated away.


	11. Drapple Part 3

I pointed my wand at Draco Malfoy across the table and muttered an incantiation.

I was especially careful with my hand position and pronounciation, or else all the nerves in the body would mix up and give him Alzheimer's or Parkinson's. If you think of it on a purely Hogwarts scale, he might like Alzheimer's more.

After the spell was done, Malfoy started and stared at Goyle, who he had been talking to while I said the spell.

"Apple?", he muttered, and reached out to grab Goyle's nose and was about to take a bite out of his head when Goyle's brute force kicked in and sent Draco to the ground.

This, of course, continued through the course of the day. Draco would try to bite someone he saw as an apple. But that person had either physical force or a knowledge of spells. Those who didn't have either had books to hit him with, which was quite entertaining.

The trick was a Nervous System spell, which affected his optic nerve and made him see almost everything as apples. Poor Draco was delighted with the millions of apples.

In Potions, Snape managed to stop Draco from attempting to eat anyone by placing him in a fine mesh box, where he sat at his desk, gnawing at his cauldron as Snape talked.

However, Neville Longbottom, the dunderhead he always seemed to be in Potions, kept his Color Changing Potion too near to Draco's cage.

I realized too late, when his skin had turned red and gold, that it was time to change him back to normal.

I took the Nerve Spell off him, but left the Potion effects.

The normal Malfoy blinked, looked at his hands and chewed cauldron.

"ALICE!"

"You did it!"


	12. Drapple, Part Four

We've gone over this before.

Footsteps of chaos, soft breathing and peace, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Then I came. My first stop was Gryffindor Common Room, where Colin Creevey was developing photos. As prior agreement stated, he tossed me the camera and warned me to bring it back by midnight.

Next was Slytherin Dorms. I took the polished apple out of my bag and held it close to Malfoy's face.

Then, I was stumped. Who? Whose name should do the trick. I grinned. It was worth a try.

I held up the camera at a decent angle and started to softly chant, "Hermione", over and over.

As a stoke of good luck, Malfoy kissed the apple.

Ready and waiting, I clicked the camera button. I took a few more snaps as quick as possible.

I escaped, leaving the apple behind, and got Creevey to develop the photos.

I spent another hour, duplicating the photos and enlargening them. The ghosts, even the Bloody Baron, were kind enough to hang them up for me.

The next morning, I woke up ten minutes late, but still ambled along the halls, whistling a merry tune. A group of students were crowded around a poster hung on the school notice board, giggling and whispering.

I sighed, rolling my eyes. Trust the Fat Friar to play by the rules and put the poster on the notice board instead of the walls.

I made my way into the Great Hall, and was immensely pleased to find that the ghosts were creative enough to make some posters into tablecloths. There were posters on the walls too.

I sat down at the Slytherin table and took a bite of French toast, waiting.

Draco Malfoy came into the hall not much sooner. All eyes were turned to him.

He looked clueless, until a particularly giggly group of fisrt years came in, holding the poster.

Malfoy tore it from their hands and looked at it.

His eye started to twitch.

As mentally unstable as he was, he grabbed an apple from the Gryffindor table, which was nearest, and threw it straight at me.

"ALICE!"

My eyes widened, and in the nick of time, I apprated away.

The apple hit Astoria Greengrass. Malfoy got an earful of it. Especially since he cheated on her with an apple disguised as Hermione Granger.

**EEE! YES! Fourth Drapple chapter. Two mor of these, the we're back to normal! R&E&R! Astoria came from one of my other Dramione stories, as the evil person. Check that out from my profile, "That's what happens when"**


	13. Drapple, Part Five

I succesfully pulled the steaming hot pie tin out of the oven with mitts, as suggested by a house elf.

It really did help the hot, you know.

I carried it to the Slytherin table, out of the kitchens, and cut a piece, "Want some?", I offered it to Malfoy.

He accepted it and took a cautious bite, as if waiting to be knocked out or spiked with Veritaserum. Sadly, it was neither.

He chewed. He swallowed. And he continued to eat the whole slice of pie.

"Can I have another?", he asked, with impeccable manners. Crabbe and Goyle exchanged a look and held out their plates as well.

"Are you sure?", I twirled the knife in my hands.

"I'm bloody well sure"

"Do you know what kind of pie it is?"

"I don't care if it's a freaking muggle made pie, just give me some more"

"You don't care even if it's apple pie?"

"I said I don't-", he paused, mid sentence, eyes wide, "Apple?", I nodded in triumphant reply.

He looked at his plate, then at the innocent pie.

"ALICE!"

"DRAPPLE!"


	14. Drapple, Part Six, Last

**Ah... the last drapple of the story. R&E&R!**

All was calm around the Great lake, right after a surprise Transfiguration test.

Everyone was thankfully taking off their shoes and socks and loosening ties as they jotted down a letter to a relative, the beginning of a long report of a random seed of inspiration in a journal.

Nobody was mad at one another. The Golden Trio and The Slytherin-Trio-not-Counting-Cronies stayed far apart, to accommodate for prevention of death in crossfire.

Then Ron Weasely set Pansy Parkinson's books on fire.

After a full ten minutes of yelling and arguing between the two parties, and five more of merciless hexing, I stepped in.

"Why don't we settle this in a way that will make everyone forget this little incident?"

Before they could reply, I took an apple out of my pocket and held it up to Draco.

"Ferrets like apples", I stage whispered, "As long as you approach slowly, without owls in sight"

I threw the apple a foot away, and declared, "Fetch, Ferret, food! Sustenance!", and gestured to the apple.

"ALICE!"

"DRAPPLE FOREVER!"

**Review if you now ship Drapple, or ever have, and point me in the direction of any good ones! R&E&R!**


	15. Dramione

I set down my open laptop on top of Draco's History of Magic Report. He woke up with a start, gave me a quizzical look, and turned to the laptop.

"NO!", he shouted, quite enough for Madam Pince not to bash him in with a rolling pin, "No more Drapple! It's disgusting!"

"Not Drapple", I informed him, "Just read it"

Grudgingly, he skimmed the short one shot on the screen.

With every word, his eyes went wider as did his jaw drop.

He finally mustered up the words to cohorently say, "I do not like Hermione Granger"

"Course you don't"

"I _don't_"

"Right"

"But..."

"You like her"

"ALICE!"


	16. Drarry

The nanosecond I set my laptop in front of Malfoy, his eyes flew open, and he yelled, "NO!"

I looked at him blankly, and he elaborated.

"I don't want to read any more! It's better if my innocent mind-"

I snorted at this.

"Stays uncorrupted by these gruesome people's pairings for me!"

"So you don't want to know about who agrees with me?", I asked innocently while taking the laptop away.

"Agrees with you about what?", he asked suspiciously.

"I thought you didn't want to know"

He whined for a long, good while, until I gladly/reluctantly handed the laptop over to the unfortunate/lucky Malfoy.

As he read, the smirk fell off his face of horror.

Once he finished reading, he handed back the laptop wordlessly. As planned, Hedwig tapped on the window. I let the snow white owl in. She disdainfully gave the envelope to Malfoy, who was reluctant to touch the bird since it tried to kill him.

Malfoy read the pink tinted parchment as Hedwig flew away, and introduced his pale face as the next snowy thing in the room.

"What does it say?", I asked, smirking. Like I didn't know.

"Nothing", he crumpled up the parchment. Since I couldn't keep it in anymore, I smirked wider and blew my cover off in such an explosive manner that one could see it from space.

"Was it Harry asking to have scar shaped sex with you?", I quoted the opening line of the letter.

He stared at me for a second, and then there was another thing you could see from space.

The biggest speech bubble in world that said in the largest font size you could imagine, "ALICE!"


	17. DracoSnape, the only nameless pairing

"I'm mentally scarred", Malfoy announced seriously as I set down the laptop, "Don't attempt to cut my noggin in half"

"It won't be there by the time you finish this", I gestured to the screen, "And therefore, your brain won't even be there, so it can't be scarred or cut in half"

Seemingly agreeing with my logic (he was insane, after all), he started to read to grammatically, formattingly and not logically correct fanfiction.

By the time he finished, it really did look like his brain pulled an Alice and simply...

_POOF!_

"What?", he asked dumbly, pointing at the screen, "That is, well, disturbingly disgusting"

"What an asinine alliteration"

"How can they pair me with my godfather?", Malfoy seemed to be regaining half of his brain, "Doesn't that count as incest?"

"You aren't related by blood, actually"

"Underage harassment?"

"You're seventeen"

"Slash?"

"Obviously, it's the only thing wrong with the thing", I shrugged.

Malfoy head desked, over and over, until I asked, "Want to read another?"

"ALICE!"

"Research!", I defended and pulled a me.

In other words, poof.


	18. Drastoria and the Confusing Metaphors

**I'm sorry, I've been gone for way too long... In my defense, I was doing Camp NaNo. Who else was crazy writing a novel in a month? I'll try to update as much as possible, but this year I'm in and out of the exams all the time. Wish me luck, and R&E&R!**

The minute my laptop quietly came into Malfoy's peripheral sight, he nearly screamed, but cowered instead for fear of both the coming story and Madam Pince's hate of noise, which, when combined, were extremely scary to the blond haired ferret.

I set down the laptop upon the smoothly sanded table of the Hogwarts Library, and turned it to face Malfoy, having already read through it myself with an evil cackle. However, Malfoy looked at the innocently whirring laptop suspiciously, "I need a guarantee", he said.

Oh, how the times have changed from when the wizard or witch to be annoyed was simply annoyed by the annoyer's presence. Now we have to work for them to scream, "(Insert your name in capital letters with certain elongated syllables in your mind)!"

I sighed, "What sort?"

"That there isn't any... disturbing content", Malfoy hesitated a second or two before saying so. With a completely blank, straight face betraying every giggly emotion within, I clicked to a different tab and spun it back to him, "Now there isn't"

"If there is?"

"I'll apparate to Siberia", the thing is, I never promised not to apparate back. Satisfied, though, Malfoy began to the un-smutty fanfiction. By the time he was finished, though, he was still mightily disturbed.

"I don't want to get married to Astoria", he frowned, "And I don't exactly know what a day when a baby unicorn is born feels like"

"Would you like to read the sequel?", I asked innocently.

Still extremely confused and wondering about the fluffiness and metaphors for happiness at getting married to Astoria, his ex girl friend from once upon a long time ago, Malfoy asked, "What is the sequel about?"

"The Drastoria honeymoon", I said. Malfoy snapped out it and came back to his senses, apparently, not even stopping to wonder what Drastorie meant, though it suspiciously sounded like the end of the world and rise of The Titans.

"ALICE!"

"SEE YOU IN NOT SIBERIA!", and so I poofed myself away, to, as you have probably guessed, not Siberia.


	19. Druna-- And People's Choice AN!

**I could insert a long, long, oh so very long (you get the point) A/N in this space, but I'd rather blurt it all out at the end. R&E&R!**

Who said this would be another laptop moment? Oh, right, good Hermione- I mean (Enter your name here).

I pushed my laptop forcefully on top of Malfoy's long dried, still unfinished essay on Newts Blood uses in Goblin Rebellions seen in Chrystal balls or what not. He pushed it away, though almost scared to touch the white electronic device. Internally cackling, I decided to scare him even more.

"If you dont read it yourself, I'll put it on audio", despite the fact that doesn't have that option.

"If you do that, I'll break that thing", He began to take out his wand, to presumably blast my laptop to pieces.

"How do you know it would stay broken?", I asked in a creepy, flash light under face tone.

Malfoy almost snatched my laptop from me and started reading, though probably aware of my smirk.

Exactly seven minutes later, finished reading the one shot, Malfoy looked up, looking thoroughly confused.

"Who the heck is Luna? There isn't a last name either"

Internally face palming, but also internally cackling, I said, "Loony Lovegood is what you people call her, I think"

Malfoy blinked, once, twice, and finally flicked his eyes to the screen and back again...

"ALICE!"

Must I tell you what exactly happened next?

**As per the title of the chapter and the above A/N, This is a long People's Choice Note.**

**In the twenty fifth chapter, it's called Draco-napped. If you're interested in doing such a thing, please review asking to. There's no limit here, people! Please leave an abbreviation for your name or a nick name, to put a little less strain on my fingers.**

**Next month, In July, there's a Camp NaNo event which I'm participating in. I'm debating between finishing this thing all before July starts, or updating everyday until July starts and finishing the rest after July.**

**Tell me what you think, Lovely Readers! Review in your choices, and may the odds, the Fellowship and the Order be with you!**


	20. Yoga

**Just in case I haven't mentioned, Draco napped basically means kidnapping Draco. On Chapter 20 already? Thank you, my lovelies! R&E&R**

I showed up behind Draco in the Library, without my apparently dreaded laptop, and tapped him on the shoulder. He started and dropped his quill. Several very apparent ink spots splattered over the parchment.

"What do you want, Alice?", Malfoy asked, clearly already annoyed but not so enough to yell at me.

"To cure you of the awful mental pictures", I replied, unfazed and chipper as one can be with the inexplicable cheerfulness of getting to annoy someone.

"They were gone", Draco snapped.

"Really?"

"Yes, until you remided me just now"

"Then let's get rid of them", I busied myself with unrolling the Slytherin green and Barbie Pink yoga mats respectively.

Malfoy, confused as he was, when instructed to sit made for the green mat. I looked at him, confused.

"That's my yoga mat"

"So I'm supposed to sit on the pink one?", he asked sarcastically.

Needless to say, he was made to.

The meditation started. All was quiet in the Library for a long, long time.

"Empty your mind of all thought", the soothing voice I conjured from my wand automatically said.

Quietness continued. For a whole five minutes.

Then I got bored and flicked Malfoy's forehead. His previously relaxed attitude slipped off like melting ice from a Mountain cap.

Just as he was about to open his mouth to yell, I cut him off.

"Remember the Drapple fanbase I built up around school?"

"Alice..."

"And the confused first years who thought Dramione existed?"

"_Alice_...!"

"And of course, the seventh years who thought that Drastoria was the end of the world?"

"ALICE!"

"And Bye!"


	21. Just Stare and Smile

**I solemnly swear I will now update day by day until I finish this. if i don't, feel free, to leave an angry flame. At least I'll be warm. By the way, who else is now a Sherlock BBC lover? R&E&R**

I saw Malfoy as he passed by me in the corridor, and grinned to myself, with a lovely, creepy, broken record like tune playing in my head, "Must... Annoy... Malfoy..."

So, I simply must obey that little voice. It would take over the world if I didn't. I followed Malfoy, grinning like the Chesire cat. I forgot to be stealthy, and he turned within two seconds of my tailing.

I continued to smile at him, staring vacantly. Slowly, he started to back away. This, however, made mre grin even more in his direction, which obviously didn't seem to please him much. Or put him at ease for that matter.

He turned tail and quickly tried to weave through the crowd. Maintaining an awfully calm and poised pace, I continued to display my pearly whites at him, not blinking, and followed steadily.

Malfoy eventually had to stop. He turned to see if I was still being creepy behind him, and nearly screamed at my even largere grin.

I was ust smiling, I swear. That is, until, I realized Malfoy was rooted to the spot, and I decided to scare him back into his senses.

"AGH!", I stopped smiling and snarledat him, moving suddenly.

"ALICE!", yes, he was back into his rightful senses.

"My work here is done!", I bowed to an imaginary crowd and apparated before he could lunge and try to kill me out of my senses.


	22. Evil Laugh

**I'm in a great, great writing slump. I'm so glad that I made a list for this chapter until almost fifty. Reviews that flatter me, and esprecially creatively written flames, are appreciated. See Bottom notes, please. R&E&R**

I sat across Malfoy in the deadly quiet Library. He was concentrating so deeply on the Ancient Runes that he was set on to transalate that he didn't notice as I fired up my laptop and started typing and moving around the mouse, all with mock concentration as intense as Malfoy's.

All the while as I tapped on the keyboard, I smiled even more, growing manically crazy looking in my smiles as I did, but more out of how funny the whole situation was than being a crazy axe weilder who meant every word I was typing.

Malfoy seemed to finish one particularly hard question, when my insistent keybord tapping dragged him by his well groomed hair out of his concentration.

He glanced at me apprehensively as I manically smiled bigger and bigger. Suddenly, I decided to creep him out even further. I threw back my head and laughed evilly.

My impromptu cackle made him jump out of his wits and almost fall on the floor, though, sadly, he managed to steady himself and not topple onto the carpet. I continued to laugh evilly, like a previously mentioned axe murderer in an asylum with a fool proof plan to escape.

Malfoy looked at me like a deer caught in the speeding headlights of a dark night and slippery road.

"Alice", he said slowly, trying not to completely unhinge my too well oiled mental door, "Er... What's the matter?"

I continued to cackle evilly as I swung my computer on the wodden table to face him. He read the detailed plan to annoy him with evil cackling.

"ALICE!"

I nearly choked on my own evil laugh as I quickly apparated.

**Well, I wrote that slowly. Apple juice and straws are really distracting. By the way, I started a new crossover story, BBC's Sherlock and Harry Potter. Check it out if you like, please. R&E&R**


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